Articles

Coping with Transitions

WHAT… MORE LIFE CHANGES?

The Greek Philosopher Heraclitus said, "The only constant is change." The Chinese "Book of Changes" also known as the I Ching says "Change is gushing life". Life is change and the rate of change in our personal and business lives increases every year. Each of us can think of many examples of changes we face in relationships, work, family and health areas. When we are invested in or choose life changes we commonly refer to this experience as "progress". We may respond to change, particularly when out of our control, with frustration, anxiety, lower performance and/or health problems. Change, even when out of our control, can energize, invigorate and provide welcome new challenges.

Transition is the psychological process we go through when faced with significant change. Staying healthy in the midst of everyday life requires that we manage repeated successful transitions. All transitions should begin with an adequate acknowledgement of the ending or loss. Often people choose to focus on the challenge or excitement of a beginning without fully grasping what they are letting go of. This choice can make a change more difficult. William Bridges, a well-known writer on change, identifies the second stage of transition as the "neutral zone". This stage is experienced as an "in-between" place of uncertainty. Questions and confusion about "where to go from here" abound. We can compare the "neutral zone" to ocean travel, having lost site of all land that would help orient us. Finally we proceed to stage three of the change process with a period of "start-up" or "beginning over". Beginnings always involve new ideas, new values, new roles, and new definitions of who we are.

Here are some suggestions when coping with a transition:

Clarify what the change is and the facts associated with it.
Honor that each of us views change differently.
Find ways to express your reactions to change with those you trust and remember it is normal to experience nearly any feeling in the process.
Find a variety of ways to adjust or compensate for the change or loss.
Acknowledge what has not changed in your life or work.
Allow for time to live with a change before embarking on your new beginning.
Take care of yourself by: a. clarifying what you can and cannot change and accepting those things beyond your control, b. making time for activities that "center" you, give your life balance and allow you to live those values most important in your life.
View your life as happening in the midst of change versus change happening to you. This requires us to take an active role in defining and creating our life as a changing adventure, regardless of the circumstances we face.

A coach can be a valuable resource to help you manage change. Master Coach Fredric Hudson says that "effective coaches model the future because they are willing to invent it and insist on it … they see change as an asset for getting a job done rather than a reason to be afraid". Contact me for a free coaching session to discuss your current life changes.

Missions of Life

YOUR LIFE MISSION

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open..."

- Martha Graham

Clarifying a life mission is an act of expressing deep truths, life dreams and life callings. Life missions grow out of our fundamental values and beliefs about what is ultimately important for us in our life. When we tap into what we want to do most before we die and what we feel the most passion for we are on our way to clarifying our mission. Friends or family can help us further clarify our life missions or dreams since they witness where we express our passions. We also observe our passions by noticing what we spend our free time doing, what we are most curious about or what we want to read or talk about. Another way to clarify life dreams is by noticing more carefully the way we feel throughout the day. Notice what gives you energy and brings on excitement versus what seems to drain you or cause you to feel bored. Mary Manin Morrissey speaks of five questions that can help you clarify a life dream or mission.

"Does this dream enliven me?"
"Does this dream align with my core values?" Take time to clarify or reaffirm what your five most important values are. You can then use these as a compass of sorts to determine if any action you take fits with who you are.
"Do I need help from outside resources to make this dream come true?" All great dreams require that we call on resources outside ourselves whether they are friends, consultants or a higher power.
"Will this dream require me to grow into more of my true self?" Will following this life mission allow me to grow and stretch into the person that I truly want to become? The work to make a dream come true irreversibly alters us to be more of the person we believe we were meant to be.
"Will this dream ultimately benefit others?" Ask yourself how your dream will impact those around you. If you can answer the first four questions with an emphatic "Yes" you will likely be helping others when you carry out this life mission. Benefits to the world can come in many packages. All good dreams expand beyond private good to make a difference to our world in some way.

If you can answer "yes" to these questions, you have identified a mission or dream that is worthy of you and the world. Commit yourself to it and enjoy the journey! Coaching is specifically designed to help move people toward their highest goals. Contact me for a free coaching session to explore how to maximize your potential!

The Life Principle of Wu Wei

How many times when doing a task do we spend extra energy trying too hard, fretting about the results or having to go over and over a task because our mind is wandering? How many times do we buy into the belief that anything of value requires struggle versus the idea it can be enjoyable and done with ease? Every day many of us use extra energy that doesn't translate into better results but instead creates added stress.

An important coaching principle is the ancient Chinese concept of Wu Wei. It can be translated as "acting without forcing." Another translation is "to use the least amount of effort to do a task with integrity." This principle is utilized in the Chinese health disciplines of Tai Chi and Chi Kung (Qigong) to allow Chi (translated as "life force" or "vital energy") to circulate through the body and benefit the user in a variety of ways. When we remain focused and use only the energy a task requires, we experience reduced stress, more vitality, increased power and greater enjoyment.

We can discover lots of simple but powerful ways to live the principal of Wu Wei. We can ask ourselves what I call "the Wu Wei question." "How can I use less effort and still do this task with integrity?" Perhaps we can use less effort by breathing deeply and relaxing our bodies, cutting out distractions, staying focused on only the essential steps of a task, or by utilizing collaboration or delegation. We also use less effort when we remain optimistic and focus on the enjoyment of the task versus the result. In other words, "Stop and smell the flowers along the way."

You may wish to ask yourself "the Wu Wei question" from time to time throughout your day. Frequently, we already know how we can use less effort but may need a reminder or support to follow through. When you take action using this principle you may want to notice if you enjoy the activity more or feel more energized, creative or effective at your task. If you have positive experiences in using the principle of Wu Wei, I would love to hear from you.

Know The "Why's" Of What Is Important In Your Life

"Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got"

- Janis Joplin

It is a huge challenge for each of us to use our time and energy wisely. One way we can prioritize our actions and harness our drive to get that important stuff done is to fully acknowledge the "why's" of what we do. We may say, "Of course I know why I do things." Many of us, however may sidestep the "why" of our actions by saying "I don't have a choice.", "It's what I know how to do."

or "It's what others expect.". Sometimes we haven't thought about why we are doing what we do. For example my coaching clients may say "I don't know why I'm dating 'x". He's not really the kind of guy I want." or "I'm not sure why I'm still working in this business."

If you don't know the "why's" for the pursuits that you spend time and energy on…it may be important to take stock and look at your choices. It can be helpful to ask yourself a variety of questions to examine your "why's" . These could include:

What do I really love about this activity or this relationship?
Does this activity really allow me to express my interests or passions?
Does this activity or relationship honor the values and conditions I require in order to feel satisfied or fulfilled?
Do I express enthusiasm and happiness when engaging in this activity or relationship?

We are happier and more successful when we live consciously. When we regularly remind ourselves why we choose what we do, we bring more power, energy and effectiveness to our life pursuits. Additionally, we are inspiring to others when we really enjoy our work or a special relationship. We can also rise to life challenges more easily when the way we live is what we've deliberately chosen. Know the "why's" of what is important in your life and fully enjoy the choices you make. When life is a challenge routinely remind yourself of those "why's" to get back on track!